I am The Snack Medium

2008-11-27T12:43:00.000-08:00

Hello friends, I am "The Snack Medium". You may think that this is a bizarre name but it is also a very accurate one for you see, whenever I sit down to enjoy a brew and say an eccles cake I am visited by spirits. Not vodka I may add (haha!), if only, no it's dead folk. I would like to share with you the thoughts of the dead, for many famous people from the past visit me with pearls of wisdom from beyond the grave. If you would like me to try and contact someone please leave a post detailing who they are and what kind of snack they liked (I don't do kitkat's sorry but that's just the way I roll).

I will now share an experience with you which I'm sure will touch you just as it touched me. I was just sticking on a fresh brew when I decided to open a pack of Mr. Kipling's Viennese Whirls, well it was Saturday and I was about to settle down to watch soccer Saturday with that dodgy second hand car salesman Jeff Stelling. As soon as the packs open my spirit guide Fred Dibnah pops up "Yeehaw SM, some ole dude here to see ya" he drawls. Hells bells I think, who is it this time? Well its only bleedin Jimmy Hendrix thats who. He doesn't even say hello just straight over to the whirls and one's gone before he's even sat down. "Bleedin BBC." he growls, "First it's those two wankers Ross 'n' Braaand now they're messin wiff stricktly!" he pops another whirl in his gob and angrily glowers at the telly "If I was a brit, and not six feet unda I'd bleedin rip up me licence and shove the old telly out the windah!"(for some reason Hendrix sounds like a cockney since he kicked the old star studded bucket, in fact every spirit I have met sounds very different to when they were alive. Must be the shock or something. Or god taking the piss)

10 minutes later Jimmy is still imparting his wisdom about John Sargent getting kicked off that dancing show. I know there's nothing I can do but wait till all the whirls have gone, only one left and he's picked it up thank god. "And anover fing" he says pointing the tasty cake at me "I cant believe that bloody Walsh did'nt ave the balls to put it to the public, what a tosser. I don't usually watch x factor, well that's not true, I always watch x factor, but if I didn't I'd still be well facked off. I was absolutely beside meself, I mean I didn't vote or nuffink, I never do but it's still a bladdy liberty. It's all a bladdy pantomine anyway innit, it's rigged" he finally pops the whirl in his mouth and begins to fade "Shite!" he exclaims "I was supposed to tell you sumfink. Now what was it? Oh yeah tell..." and he's gone.

I'm sure we have all learned something valuable from this post. Jimmy Hendrix likes Viennese Whirls. Thanks for reading and please, don't have nightmares.

The Snack Medium